I’ve seen so many conversations on social media lately about modesty, so I’d like to chime in with my own story for a minute. I feel like this is a hard topic to talk to our daughters about and it dawned on me this morning that most churches aren’t teaching biblical modesty anymore, so maybe it’s hard for moms today to know how to train their daughters up in this? Before I share my experience, know that this post isn’t out of judgement or a critical spirit, but from a place of love. I genuinely want to help moms (and dads) and equip you with some tools to help train up your girls (and boys) in Biblical modesty, because like it or not, that IS a thing and if you follow Christ it IS something that you should be teaching your daughters and sons.
Modesty. It’s a hard topic for a lot of parents. I know it was for my parents. So many fights in my teenage years about this. I remember so many mornings before I left for high school when my dad would make me raise my hands and bend over. If my belly showed or too much lower back, I had to go back upstairs and change and I usually reveived a mini sermon on my way up the stairs. I wasn’t happy about it. There were even some mornings I would wear a big coat and whatever I wanted underneath and then take off the coat when I got in my car. Not proud about that. I did have moments in high school, college, and as a young adult where I didn’t make the best modesty decisions, and honestly, the devil used that as a weapon against me to steal my heart away from the Lord for a season, but I ALWAYS had my parent’s trainings on replay in my head. I always felt convicted because of the Biblical foundation they had laid for me, and that, ultimately, is what turned my heart back to the things of the Lord. Not an alter call from some fancy pastor, not this big “come to Jesus” moment at church, but the DAILY sound biblical truths that were engrained in my mind from my parents. I’m so so thankful for that, especially now as an adult.
So, what was the Biblical foundation they laid for me? Well first off, my mom modeled modesty to me by her example every single day. She was (and is) a beautiful example of how a Christian woman can be fashionable, enjoy clothing and makeup, embrace her femininity, and still be modest and honor the Lord in her outward appearance. We know that as Christian parents, our children learn best by example, so I feel like we must first exemplify this if we expect it from our children. My parents also didn’t shy away from the harsh realities that what we wear does cause men to stumble if we don’t use caution (Romans 14:13-14), so it is important to teach this in a loving/non-condemning way. But, aside from all of that, they always pointed me back to scripture and the heart issue of it all. What is my motive in wearing this outfit? Is it to get attention? Is it to prove something? Is it to get others to like me? If we call ourselves a follower of Christ, then everything we do and say should be an expression of Christ in us. We should be showing God’s love in our every action. For about 4 weeks I have been meditating on 1 John 4:6 and I know now why the Lord gave that scripture to me. It says “Whoever claims to live in Him (Christians) must live as Jesus did.” Are we teaching our children to live as Jesus did? Another verse my parents often quoted to me was 1 Samuel 16:7 “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” This verse has been a comfort to me during those times my self confidence was low, but also the times where I was tempted to dress immodestly. Our sweet Heavenly Father looks at our heart not our outward appearance, but let this not be a verse we use to justify wearing whatever we want. Our outward appearance can tell someone a lot about our hearts and our heart motivation. And again I ask, are we pointing people to Christ?
And lastly, the scripture that is probably the most obvious and blatant is 1 Tim 2:9 NLT: “And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.” Again I ask, are we pointing people to Christ?
So parents, what are we cultivating in our children’s hearts? Are we teaching them to care more for what the world thinks or what the Lord thinks? Are we teaching them that what truly matters is a heart that’s seeking the kingdom or a heart that’s seeking after the fleeting pleasures of this world? And more importantly, are we seeing the fruit of this teaching by children who WANT to honor and please the Lord and are exemplifying that by their words and deeds? Let’s set our hearts and minds on teaching these truths to our children and leaving a legacy of Biblical truth. Your role in this, mama is vital. Your role is this, daddy is vital. (Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.)
Here are some scriptures for us parents to memorize to teach our children regarding this topic:
1 Timothy 2:9-10
1 Peter 3:3-4
Romans 12:2
Matthew 5:8
Deuteronomy 22:5
1 Samuel 16:7
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Proverbs 31:30
Proverbs 11:22 (this one will preach…Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.)
Colossians 3:17
Romans 14:13-14
I hope this encourages and equips you!
In love,
Anna Bruce
Great word, with a right heart’s motivation! If we stand in front of the mirror and ask the Holy Spirit if how I am dressed is going to be a distraction to a brother or sister in Christ? If we’re sincere, He will tell us!